Grief Rituals
“My grief says, I dared to love, I allowed another to enter the very core of my being and find a home in my heart.”
“Grief is akin to praise; it is how the soul recounts the depth to which someone has touched our lives.”
“Grieving, by its very nature, confirms worth: I am worth crying over; my losses matter.”
— excerpts from The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller
“To think like a village means that my life is entirely entangled with yours, we are inseparable. So if I don't grieve today and you do, I will feel like I have wept because we will have wept. To think outside of the containment field of the individual, so essential in our remembering how to be human beings again, to not get sequestered and cloistered back into that interiorized, isolated self. That's really at the heart of our grief.
This should be core soul hygiene, that we are regularly—monthly—gathering in community, to share our grief, to become current, because so many of us are carrying so much ancient, unmetabolized grief. This is the gift of repeated grief work: we become current, we metabolize our grief. Those who do this work most often are the ones who feel most alive.”
— Francis Weller (transcribed from one of his workshops)
I hosted my first grief ritual in September 2022 and my studies with Francis Weller (and the many wise writers, elders, and poets he suggests—and others!) are ongoing. I am also part of a community of fellow students of Francis Weller, where we are learning about facing the world with soul, the importance of the village, and, of course, grief. I connect with my peers there so we can all inspire & learn from each other as we plan and evolve our grief rituals.
Grief rituals will always be hosted on a Sunday with a start time of 3pm and will include up to 10 attendees plus myself. The booking system requires me to list a duration, so I’ve listed 6 hours, but we will surrender to the spaciousness of the moment and allow room for everyone’s needs to be met before we close. Grief is messy and doesn’t respond to our requests for it to limit expression to a certain time frame. Part of honoring that is understanding we don’t know exactly when we will end. But 6 hrs is a reasonable rough estimate.
When the planned portion of the ritual is over, if anyone needs continued vigil (or simply does not yet feel safe to drive), I will sit with you (we have a cozy protected space with soft seating and very dim lighting inside my screened-in gazebo), and anyone who would like to sit vigil is invited to share that space as well.
I also want you to know that part of what I offer in helping to hold space for your grief is my arms to hold you, my shoulder to absorb your tears, or I will hold your hand, or provide nurturing contact that feels supportive to you. We will check in about what each of us needs for physical safety before we begin, so we know who wants physical contact (and how that might look) and who does not, as well as who is open to offering it (hugs among participants can be lovely if they are welcome). In ritual space, I am a participant, not an observer. I will be in the trenches with you, and everyone who knows me knows that it doesn’t take much to bring tears to my eyes.
I have created an orientation document, which may be helpful to take a look at ahead of time to get a little more info about what to expect. The link to this document will also be included in the automated confirmation email you’ll receive when you sign up. That is here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jCJh7xWB-ivl_Fuf-SvfRTgY--7aLd8DnfYU1Gj37d4/edit?usp=sharing
It is my intention to make my offerings available to people at a variety of income levels, so it will be what I call “pay-from-the-heart pricing”. Any time I offer a grief ritual, it will be the only thing I do that day and require much dedicated attention the day before to prepare the physical (and emotional!) space that allows me to host. This means, in addition to my ongoing education and preparation, it’s an investment of 2 days of my time. Keep that in mind as you consider your contribution amount. If you need this but know that you can’t contribute what you’d like, please don’t let that stop you. Sign up and contribute just $20. I really do want everyone at all income levels to feel welcome.
Coming soon: MY NEW WEBSITE!
I will soon be moving this page off my Parenting Without Shame website altogether.
Until it goes live, this link will not work, but soon!: https://www.compassionwitch.com
(Feel free to bookmark for later!)